A History of Mountain Climbing

(No Wonder Mallory Didn't Make It)

1. Beginnings: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Et. Al.

In the beginning there was nothing. Then on the third day God created the mountains. This was good. God formed the ridges and the couloirs, the chimneys, the dihedrals and the overhangs. Then, on the sixth day, God created the climbers.

The first man was named Adam. His wife was Eve. Adam had no time to climb mountains - he spent his days resisting temption. Eve was different. She wandered hither and thither searching for hills to ascend. When there were not hills to be found she settled for dales. Although not greatly renowned as a technical climber, Eve is remembered for making history's first aided descent when she bolted down an apple. In the climbing world, this is generally known as Original Sin.

Nothing much happened during the next 4000 years. With the exception of Moses, who ascended Mt. Sinai and received ten commandments, none of which he was anxious to keep, mountaineers stayed in the lowlands and practised their moves in secret. Climbers came to be viewed with suspicion and the mountains themselves began to be regarded as unhealthy places full of ice, snow and commandments.